


What If We Ruin It All

by EriSkyHigh



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Sad Ending, Teen Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24123949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EriSkyHigh/pseuds/EriSkyHigh
Summary: The hug is tight and comforting, although Eddie can feel Richie stiffen when he lingers longer than normal. But Richie’s response is to just pat his back. Is that the reaction of someone who’s gay? Eddie can’t tell if this is the hug of a best friend or someone with feelings.--Eddie just wants to know if Richie is hiding a secret or not.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobic language (like in the movies, this includes the use of f****t)

Fall 1992

The first week of 11th grade hit the Losers hard. Over the years the group of seven had dwindled away as families moved on, leaving Derry and the others behind. Things weren’t like that first summer when they all banded together to take down IT. Things changed and trying to fight it was like balloons blowing against the wind - just not possible.

Beverly had been the first to leave town. She promised to write but as time went on life grew busy. Her letters came less often - before stopping altogether. Ben took it the hardest - which surprised Eddie because he thought for sure that this development would have hurt Bill the most.

Mike continued homeschooling into high school and by the end of last year, they knew he wouldn’t be joining them at Derry High. This at least meant he was still in Derry, although he still saw the Losers less once his grandfather started to demand more of his time. Something about learning to be a man and do what needs to be done. They still saw him most weekends. Perhaps it was the absence of seeing him every day in school, but he seemed to grow taller between each visit. While he seemed busy most days, it was Bill who ventured to his side of town to hang out. This was just one of the small ways the Losers seemed to be splitting up.

Just before the start of sophomore year, Ben’s mother decided it was finally time to move herself and Ben to a new town - a new home; she promised Ben it would be the last time she moved him and the last time he’d have to be ‘the new kid.’ He insisted he wouldn’t stop sending letters no matter how busy he got. But some promises are too hard to keep and no one blamed him when letters stopped.

Bill’s parents never recovered from losing Georgie and would often travel on the weekends just to get away from the memories. This was partly what allowed Bill’s house to be the go-to spot for most weekend movie and game nights. None of the Losers spoke about it when his parents started looking for a new home - and they avoided it more (if at all possible) as Bill’s parents started searching outside of Derry. Eddie believed this lack of parental attention was why Bill snuck off to Mike’s home most days. Perhaps this loss of parents was something only they could bond over.

Stan’s parents had forced him into getting a job over the summer to ‘help build character.’ The past summer he had spent most days working at Freese’s - which didn’t bother Richie as much as Eddie thought it would. It seemed they managed to see each other often enough despite Stan’s job.

Richie was out of control as always. He smoked, even when Eddie asked him not to. His lexicon was full of dick jokes like when they were still thirteen. He had hardly changed. This was not ideal for Eddie, as he had spent the last few years trying to uncover a possible secret Richie might be hiding with no success. Now entering their junior year, Eddie hadn’t gotten any closer to uncovering the truth and was starting to think there was nothing really there. This wouldn’t have been a problem but as time went on Eddie became more focused on proving this secret true for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Eddie himself felt the same, spared from much change at all.

Friday’s lunch found the Losers at the regular back corner table in the cafeteria - the one with the wobble that required a wad of napkins to keep balanced. Here they found they were bothered less by the other students, and few teachers, if ever, had any reason to walk by to the corner. It was almost like they had a private area in the middle of a buzzing cafeteria.

“That’s not the point, Richie.” Stan firmly placed his tray down at the table where Eddie and Bill already sat.

Placing his own tray down he smirked at Stan. “Okay, okay. Don’t get so worked up over it. You look like Eddie’s mom last night after I- ”

“Beep beep, Richie!” No one, especially not Eddie, needed the imagery of whatever Richie was about to say. “We’re eating.”

“Okay, Eds. Gosh. Can’t a man lighten the mood? It’s Friday after all!” Hand over his chest like he was offended, yet with a smirk on his face - Richie was unphased as always.

“W-what’s everyone’s plans?” Bill interjects giving Richie a light-hearted but firm side-eye as if to say it was too early to start.

Eddie started first. “I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. After that I’m free.”

“On a Saturday?” Appalled, Richie opened his mouth wide; he proceeded on poking Eddie in the side as he teased. “Who sees a doctor on the weekend if they aren’t even sick?”

“Stopitstopitstop.” Eddie couldn’t help but lean away from Richie trying to cover up his ticklish reaction with anger. “Yes, asshole. I’m going to the doctor. Of course, you wouldn’t understand - you don’t take care of yourself!”

“Eds. Going to the doctor twice a week isn’t the only way to take care of yourself.” He kept poking Eddie’s side until Eddie slapped his hand away.

“I got a new pair of binoculars.” Stan interrupted. “I was gonna go bird watching with them.”

“See? How relaxing!” Richie makes a grand gesture towards Stan. “That’s self-care. Stalking birds. And look Eds, no doctor visit.”

“Shut up, Richie.” chirped both Stan and Eddie in unison.

Stan turned his attention to Bill. “What about you?”

“W-well.” Bill looked down at his pasta, rolling a meatball around the plate. “T-there’s s-something I wanted to t-tell you guys.”

“What is it?” Stan put his utensils down. He seemed to already know where Bill was going with this.

Bill sighed, shoulders drooping forward as he leaned back in his seat. “My p-parents decided we’re m-moving at the end of the y-year.”

Stan nodded.

Eddie nodded.

Richie started talking.

“My parents too. It’s still not decided though. I just keep telling them I wanna go to a place with lots of hot girls. Maybe California. Ya know, for the beaches.” Richie twirled his spaghetti around his fork before looking up and locking eyes with Eddie. “What? Wishing this was you, Eddie spaghetti?” Richie proceeded to lick the sauce off before taking the bite.

\--

July 1989

Eddie stepped out of Keene’s Pharmacy with his hand placed over his cast in a futile attempt to hide the ‘LOSER’ written across it in thick marker. He sighed knowing the prior encounter with Greta should have taught him better than to assume she’d want to be his friend, but it just wasn’t in Eddie to assume the worst in people.

The summer had really taken a turn since he broke his arm.

First, it was his mother’s orders to stay home. At first, a part of him thought it would be for the best; he didn’t want to try facing IT again and risk breaking another bone. But after two days at home, he began to miss the Losers. His mother hadn’t allowed any of Eddie’s friends over - so he could properly heal from his sickness. Not everyone was talking at the moment anyway.

Now, Eddie had allowed Greta to bully him again - the day couldn’t get any worse. His cast left him feeling upset and hurt. It made him yearn for his friends. Had any of them been there, they wouldn’t have let that happen, having the foresight to know it was a bad idea from the start.

Then a thought gave Eddie pause. What if, instead of feeling bad about this, he saw Richie? Richie was sure to make him laugh even if his jokes weren’t normally good; the arcade was close by too.

“I’m sure Richie’s there spending all his money on Street Fighter.”

Only 5 minutes later Eddie found himself stepping into the arcade and making his way to where the Street Fighter game was kept only to see it sitting there unmanned, with no Richie insight. His shoulders fell - with the realization, he apparently didn’t know Richie as well as he thought he did.

Behind him chimed a voice. “You’re looking for your friend, Richard, right?” Eddie recognized the voice as Catie, the blonde hair, braid wearing girl from his math class. He turned to see her standing by another game, hand on her hip and eyebrows raised in question.

Eddie corrected her. “Richie. Yeah.” Although he wasn’t sure she really cared. He could recall her as being one of the kids in school that wasn’t ever too nice to him. In fact, he was sure that Catie knew Richie goes by Richie - she just didn’t care. If it wasn’t about her, she had a way of making it about her, and today she didn’t look like she particularly wanted to help Eddie.

“He left. Got chased out earlier. He was so afraid I thought he was gonna shit himself. But he left all his game tokens behind. Lucky me.” She pointed to the tokens sitting on the screen of the machine and smiled smugly - proud of herself. Of course, she’d make this about her. “Anyway, they’re mine now. I don’t think he’s going to come back. He looked really scared.”

The game tokens didn’t matter to Eddie at that moment - he knew Richie didn’t need to be wasting all his time playing the same game all summer anyway. “Why was he scared? What happened?”

She rolled her eyes, ready to move on now that subject had changed and she’d already gloated about her winning tokens. “Bowers called him a fairy and faggot and then he just ran out.”

He can’t stand Catie. “And no one did anything about it?”

“And get in Bowser’s way? Are you nuts?” Catie glances down to Eddie’s cast, which he quickly tucks behind his back, before raising an eyebrow at him. “Besides, if it wasn’t true why did he run away?”

“What?” Catie turned back to the game, ending the conversation there. Eddie cannot stand her, not that he’d ever tell her that.

At least Eddie knows Richie was here earlier, but he feels sorry he was chased out that way. In the back of Eddie’s mind, he also questions why Richie would run out over a comment made by Bowers. It was more likely that he made some comments to first escalate the situation.

Sure, Bowers was a jerk and no one wanted to mess with him, but Catie has said he looked scared. Richie wouldn’t just run away from Bowers, maybe she missed his obvious dick joke he would have thrown back. If Richie were gay he would have told the Losers, right?

Richie would have had least told Eddie. Wouldn’t he?

\--

September 1989

Bill picked up a dirty, filthy, absolutely disgusting piece of glass from the ground and said, “swear it.”

After everything the Losers just went through, maybe this piece of glass wasn’t the worst thing Eddie had ever seen, but he still cringed at the thought of what was coming.

“Swear i-if it isn’t dead, if it ever comes back, we’ll come back too.” One by one the Losers stand. Bill cut his hand first before turning to Richie who offered up his hand. Their cuts are definitely going to get infected. This was absolutely a terrible idea and was going to use up all of the bandages Eddie had left. And what would his mom say when she saw it? Richie waved his hands in the air - the cut looked deep and it was definitely going to get infected.

Next was Eddie’s turn. When the glass sliced Eddie’s hand he had to look away. He felt Richie squeeze his arm as if to say ‘it’s okay’ before he returned to waving his own cut in the air to shake off the pain.

Joining their hands hurt and Eddie wasn’t very pleased with the thought of Richie’s blood on his cast. The moment gave everyone a chance to look at each other. Despite the pain, Eddie looked over to Richie out of the corner of his eyes. Only when Eddie did, Richie’s eyes are staring down hyper-focused on their hands - entwined.

Maybe it was because Richie’s hand hurt too? Or maybe Richie did have feelings for boys and holding Eddie’s hand made him think about those feelings? But Richie didn’t look at Bill the same way. Maybe he just felt bad about getting blood on Eddie’s cast? Maybe it’s all of that. Either way, Eddie couldn't tell what Richie was thinking, so he decided he won’t say anything about it later.

Upon everyone saying their goodbyes, Eddie couldn’t escape his own thoughts. He was sure that if Richie liked boys, he would tell him. And if Richie had feelings for him, he’d have noticed this sooner. Maybe if Richie was withholding this information from Eddie then maybe he just needs a little push - so Eddie leaned over to Richie for a hug when he said goodbye.

The hug was tight and comforting, although Eddie could feel Richie stiffen when he lingered longer than normal. But Richie’s response was to just pat his back. Is that the reaction of someone who’s gay? Eddie couldn’t tell if this is the hug of a best friend or someone with feelings.

\--

“My parents too. It’s still not decided though. I just keep telling them I wanna go to a place with lots of hot girls. Maybe California. Ya know, for the beaches.” Richie twirled his spaghetti around his fork before looking up and locking eyes with Eddie. “What? Wishing this was you, Eddie spaghetti?” Richie proceeded to lick the sauce off before taking the bite.

“No, actually I was wishing you learned how to not drool all over yourself. How do you expect us to eat when you’re collecting drool on your plate?”

A quick eye roll before Stan turned to Bill. “We still have a whole year. Let’s just enjoy it.”

Bill nodded sheepishly.

“I take it this also means your parents will be gone this weekend again?” Stan questioned.

Bill smiled before nodding. “M-movie night?”

Richie threw his arms up, “yes! Movie night! Eddie and I got the movie and drinks if you guys get the snacks. Bill, make sure Mike doesn’t skip out this time. I don’t care how busy he is.”

“Why do I have to get the drinks?” Eddie noticed how Richie paired them together. But was there anything gay about two boys getting drinks for a movie night with friends?

“Well Eds, if you get the snacks they won’t make it out of the house past your Mom!” Richie puffed out his cheeks mockingly.

“I get it! My mom’s fat but shut up!” Eddie’s frustration grew. Maybe this was the banter of two close friends. Maybe that’s all this was.


	2. Chapter 2

The Vic’s Videos was the only place in town to rent a VHS. Ignoring the fact that most of the movies were kept in the backroom, door replaced by a beaded curtain, it was the type of store Eddie knew his mother would flip out over if she knew he was there now. 

Richie swung the door open, the bell slammed loudly against the glass door as he shouted his greeting. “Hey, Vincent! How’s the missus?” 

Vincent, who had to be a thousand years old, towered over the register as he looked down Richie and Eddie. With a long grey beard and face like a crinkled bowling pin, he was easily one of Eddie’s least favorite town residents. Eddie’s mother had told him about his wild days. Simply put - he scared the shit out of Eddie and Richie knew this. 

“Stay away from the backroom, Tozier.”

“One time and you’ll never let me live it down! Guess this means I can’t get you that movie you wanted, Eds.” Richie theatrically gave Eddie a pat on the back. 

“Stopitstopitstopit.” 

Vincent narrowed his eyes, not amused at Richie’s terrible joke because everyone knows all of Richie’s jokes are terrible. “Tozier.”

“Got it!” Richie spun Eddie around and steered him towards where Vincent kept the horror movies. “Don’t worry, Vincent. I’ll keep my eyes on this trouble maker.”

Eddie’s face went red. While a part of him was sure Vincent knew Richie was joking, the other part can’t help but feel embarrassed for being made to sound like a pervert at the butt of the joke. 

The wall had videos from top to bottom of nearly every horror Eddie could think of. He knew most, if not all, had already been seen by Richie between renting movies once a week and frequenting the theater.

On the other hand, Eddie was not the type to enjoy horror films. Although he’d never admit to that out loud. He could get through the scary scenes, but it required a combination of his inhaler and hands over his face for protection at the absolutely worst parts.

Richie seemed to know this - and seemed to suggest horror movies regardless.

Eddie jumped as the bell banged against the glass door signaling people were coming and going. Richie looked up and laughed at this even as Eddie dug around in his fanny pack for his inhaler.

“No need to be so tense, Eddie Bear.”

“Shut up, Richie.”

“They’re just movies.” Richie stepped forward and proceeded to look through titles. He stopped now and again to pick one up for review before he put it back down. “We should watch something we haven’t seen in a while.”

In agreement, Eddie picked up ‘I Was A Teenage Frankenstein.’ He hadn’t seen this one since they were kids at the theater with Richie. 

“Oh, I remember that one, Eds! Should we get it?” Richie asked as he adjusted his glasses. 

\--

June 1989

Eddie tagged along with Richie, Ben, and Beverly to watch ‘I Was A Teenage Frankenstein.’ It was an excuse to escape the summer heat and a much-required movie viewing, as Richie had made it clear it was another goal of his to see every horror movie.

They climbed to the upper section and found seats that would allow for ample movie-viewing; the elevation also prevented audience heads from bobbing up and down in their line of sight. A short wall stretched out across the front of the chairs just wide enough to house soft drinks and snacks, which better allowed the four friends to get comfortable. 

Early into the movie, Eddie had made the fatal mistake of reaching for the popcorn without plying his eyes off the screen. The back of his fingers brushed against the warmed bag, pushing it off-kilter enough to fall before Eddie even realized what he had done.

The popcorn fell in slow motion.

“Hey!”

Eddie’s lungs jumped into his throat. That voice sounded like Henry Bowers. He fumbled to pull out his inhaler for one last puff before he leaned over to the edge.

“I’m gonna kill you!” Henry and his gang looked up at where the four losers sat, locked eyes with Eddie. 

Eddie threw himself back into his seat and pushed himself down. He knew there would be no recovering from what he had done. 

“Guys, we should go.” Beverly chimed in, after taking in the scene before her.

Ben nodded frantically next to her.

Then, without any hesitation, Richie leaned forward and tossed his large soda down onto Bowers. “Suck it, Bowers!”

Eddie watched the cup drop slowly from Richie’s hand and turned to see this look of pure confidence on his face. What had made Richie think to add soda to this mess would help them? 

“What the literal fuck Richie?” Eddie hissed under his breath. But all Richie did was smile at him and grab his hand. They took off running through the back exit and were able to flee before Bowers ever reached them.

In a back alley, they laughed.

“That was some excitement, Eddie!” Ben huffed out, as he still tried to catch his breath.

Eddie’s face went red. He hadn’t meant for that to happen.

“And what was with the soda?” Bev spat out - a mix between amusement and annoyance.

“Well, there youngsters,” Richie spoke in his poorly done British Voice. “Couldn’t let this lad have all the fun, could I?” Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie and messed up his hair with the freehand.

“Knock it off.” Eddie pushed him away. Richie had been foolish to do that - but it was brave too. Eddie couldn’t help but notice the way both Ben and Bev had been ready to bail back there just before Richie decided to toss his drink. Throwing the soda wasn’t necessary - so why? 

\--

“Oh, I remember that one, Eds! Should we get it?” Richie asked as he adjusted his glasses. 

Eddie looked between the VHS in his hands and the wall. 

They’d watched so many movies together over the years. Surely missing that one movie wasn’t a big deal - and any of the Losers would have thrown their soda over the edge too had they had one ready in hand as Richie did. 

Eddie looked up at Richie to answer and noticed a girl staring over at them from down the aisle. 

“Eds?” Richie turned around to look where Eddie was staring but the girl quickly turned to leave. Richie looked back at Eddie. “Someone, you know?”

“No.”

“So, did you want that movie?” Richie looked down at the VHS in Eddie’s hands.

“Oh, no. Let’s get the one you picked out.” Eddie quickly placed his movie back on the shelf.

Richie shrugged. “Sure.” 

As the two neared the front of the store, they heard a voice behind them. “Hello, Richie.”

Richie turned around, and upon recognizing the girl from school responded, “Oh, hey. Angela, right?”

Angela giggled, looked away, then looked back at Richie and nodded. 

“That’s right.”

Was she blushing?

Richie looked over at Eddie, who simply shrugged.

He didn’t know what to say.

“Well, see ya later. Angela.” Richie held up a copy of Rosemary's Baby and smiled.

“See you around, Richie.”

They bring the movie up to the counter where Eddie is sure to stand half behind Richie and avoid Vincent’s eyes. “Bring it back on time, Tozier.”

“Vincent, when have I ever been late?” 

Eddie knew all too well the answer is probably ‘always,’ but he wasn’t about to say anything if he didn’t have to. 

Richie added, “I’ll bring it back as soon as I can,” only after it’s clear Vincent isn’t going to answer him. 

Richie strolled out of the store first and proceeded to walk quickly in the direction of Bill’s house, but Eddie found himself to be hyper-focused on the previous encounter. Walking behind Richie, he stared at the back of his head as if he could bore into it and...

“Richie?”

“Yeah, Eds?”

Eddie rolled his eyes and decided not to bother telling Richie to stop with the name if he wasn’t going to listen anyway.

“Do you like Angela?”

With no warning, Richie stopped walking.

“Do you?”

“Richie, I’m asking you.” Eddie chewed the inside of his mouth then added, “I think she likes you.”

“Of course she does. What’s not to like? Mrs. K is always telling me how perfect I am.”

“Shut up, Richie. Just, just tell me!” Eddie shouted in frustration.

“Tell you what?”

Richie’s look was more serious this time as he faced Eddie and locked eyes with him.

“Are you...”

Eddie still hadn’t been able to tell if Richie was interested in girls. Sure, Richie made lots of jokes about Eddie’s mom, but had Richie ever been with a girl? Eddie traced his deepest memories and reached for a time he could recall when Richie had bluntly shown interest in another girl.

He couldn’t recall any.

“Are you gonna ask her out?”

If Richie were gay, he’d of said no - right? 

Richie looked down at his feet, swayed side to side a bit. Then stood upright and looked up at Eddie’s face.

“Should I?”

Should he?

“Well, she’s pretty and she likes you. Is there any reason not to?”

Richie leaned back as if he was considering the proposal. 

“I guess not. I’ll think about it.”

That wasn’t a ‘no’ like Eddie had been waiting for.

\--

Later at Bill’s house….

Bill shuffled around the room, placing napkins and plates down on the coffee table and helping Richie get the movie ready. No one dared to speak about his parent’s decision to move at the end of the year, although it was clearly weighing on Bill’s mind as he seemed to reminisce about the adventures they’d been through.

“We got in s-so much trouble for that.” Bill laughed.

“I recall the fireworks being Stan’s idea.” Mike turned to Stan.

“Don’t look at me! Richie was the one who wanted me to get more.” Stan nodded in the direction of Richie in the recliner.

The usual chatterbox sat in silence. He picked at the hem of his shirt, not engaged in the conversation. 

Stan looked at Bill, eyebrows raised. 

Bill shook his head, shrugged, and made a face as if to say ‘I don’t know, don’t look at me.’

Riche had been quiet since they got the movie and it was getting on Eddie’s nerves. One small suggestion about a girl and now Richie was lost in thought. He couldn’t possibly be taking it seriously - he hadn’t even seemed interested in Angela until after Eddie mentioned that she liked him. Soon he would admit he didn’t like her, and Eddie could relax knowing he had been right all along.

Eddie crossed the room and stood in front of Richie. “I wanna sit there, Richie.”

To everyone’s shock, Richie stood without his usual fight. No jokes or playful stabs at Eddie. “Sure thing, Eds.”

Eddie frowned but sat down as Richie walked over to Stan. 

“Staniel, what are we waiting for? Let’s get this movie ready!” 

“Shut up, Richie.” 

Stan pushed the VHS into the player, and they all sat back to watch.

Stan joined Mike and Bill on the couch. 

Bill kept leaning over towards Mike, paying more attention to whatever his latest Derry history project was than the movie.

Stan sat quietly on the other end of the couch with a bird book opened in front of him. He’d look up every now and again at the television before he’d return to his book.

Eddie turned to look at Richie. Eyes glued to the screen, he watched the movie and did not pay Eddie any attention. Which he obviously wouldn’t because they’re all there for the movie and Eddie knew this! But what he didn’t know was if Richie really liked Angela.

Did Richie like anyone for that matter?

The movie played in the background, “You’ll get used to the smell before you even know it!”

Eddie leaned closer to Richie and asked. “She’s pretty. Don’t you think?” The girl in the movie had just received a necklace - even if it smelled. She was dressed nicely for someone who planned to lay around the house all day. Anyone would agree she was pretty.

Richie looked at Eddie for a quick moment before his attention was back on the screen. “Is that your type Eddie?”

“Richie, her necklace smells. Weren’t you paying attention? I wouldn’t wanna go near her!” Eddie’s face scrunched up as he spoke. How could Richie even have expected him to say yes?

“Eds, it’s just a movie. And it’s a fucking necklace.” Richie sighs, eyes still glued to the tv. “Okay? So is she your type? Like if she wasn’t wearing the necklace?” 

It was then that Eddie realized he didn’t know what answer to give Richie because he hadn’t ever thought about what kind of person he liked. “I don’t know what my type is. Maybe...” He pondered, closed his eyes, and tried to piece together what she would be like.

He supposed she’d be funny - the type of person to tell jokes and brighten up a room as soon as she walked in. She would be brave, and tall, and stand up for herself and friends even if she were scared. She absolutely would not make fun of him for his inhaler or pills, and she wouldn’t be afraid of getting sick or dirty. 

Still, she wouldn’t wear a gross smelling necklace - but glasses would be cute. Maybe straight hair? No, curly hair. Definitely curly. Dark curly hair that bobbed when she walked and was completely unmanageable - so unmanageable that she’d keep it short. Just like Beverly wore her hair that summer she cut it. She would wear floral shirts too, just like - 

Eddie jumped straight to his feet without a word. 

“Eds?”

Eddie had pictured Richie and this was the last person Eddie would ever want to end up with. His jokes were lame, he had no fashion, and he wasn’t very liked by Eddie’s mom. His mom. She would flip if this was even brought up - just think of all the disease. 

“I…” He slowly looked over at Richie and blurted out “I was only fucking asking because she liked you earlier and not me! I just wanted to know if you were gonna ask her out.” And Richie was a boy.

“...Eds, I- ” Richie looked at Eddie with this scared expression on his face - which only made Eddie question what just happened to scare him.

Stan blurted out “wait, a girl likes Richie? Is she real?”

Mike sat up, pulled away from his writing, suddenly entertained with the topic “Richie, you’re gonna ask out a girl?”

“N-no way. You’re serious?” Bill leaned forward on the couch to get a better look at Richie.

Richie’s face goes red and he looks away “I-I was thinking I might ask her.”

It hit Eddie harder than he was thinking it would. In fact, Eddie felt upset about the idea of Richie asking someone. 

“I’m gonna get some more ice.” He mumbled to himself and walked towards the kitchen.

“Wait, guys.” Stan gestured towards Bill and Mike before turning back to Richie. “Are you sure she wasn’t joking?”

Eddie heard the laughter erupt from the living room and Richie answered back, “Stan, I’m hurt. You know the ladies can’t resist me!” 

“Is that what it means when they ignore you?” Mike laughed.

“Shut up. You aren’t even at school to see it. I’m loved!”

Eddie pulled out his inhaler - the puff drawing a concerned look from Richie despite the fact he’s in the living room, but nothing was said.

Right now, Eddie should be happy for Richie. Best friends support each other and this should be exciting news only it wasn’t. And Eddie wasn’t sure why.

The banter between the Losers is hard to listen to - as if he were underwater. It’s suffocating enough that he held his inhaler to his mouth again, although he didn't use it.

Eddie just didn’t want to share his best friend with anyone yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday classes blurred together, causing the day to drag longer than normal.

It wasn’t that the classes were boring, or that Eddie found himself tired. It was the dread of what Eddie knew was coming.

Richie Tozier was going to ask a girl out.

This wasn’t a bad thing, at least not on the surface. Eddie knew full well that Richie had every right to ask someone out. Richie was allowed to like any girl he wanted and Richie was allowed to be excited about asking Angela out. The part that bothered Eddie was how this came to be.

A girl that Eddie hadn’t ever seen Richie so much as look at before Saturday was now the supposed object of his affection.

“What do you think, Eddie?”

What made things worse, Eddie found himself as the go-to person for Richie to talk through his plans on asking out Angela - despite Bill being the more obvious choice.

“I think that all sounds great. She’d be crazy not to say yes.”

Richie seemed to hang on every word Eddie spoke - which put added pressure on Eddie to be the supportive best friend he knew he was supposed to be.

“I think I have some ideas for our first date too. If she says yes.”

Eddie would have given anything to be almost anywhere else in the world right now. He sighed internally, knowing he’d hate the answer, but best friends supported each other this way.

This walk home from school would not be easy.

As Richie mumbled about his plans Eddie kept finding his mind would wander, and it was growing difficult to focus on what Richie had been saying.

“What are your ideas?”

Best friends supported each other no matter what.

“I’m so glad you asked, Eds!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“First, we’ll start off with ice cream, and a walk through the park.”

\--

October 1990

Eddie sat in the only ray of sun on the curb outside the ice cream parlor; Richie ran inside to get the two ice cream cones.

While the weather had been changing, the warmth of the sun made being outside comfortable. Leaves morphed into reds and bright oranges, the air was crisp, and people had begun to decorate for the fall season.

It was peaceful.

Until a cold tap to Eddie’s nose pulled him from his thoughts.

“Richie!”

Richie laughed as Eddie pushed the ice cream cone away, ice cream already smeared across his face, and proceeded to wipe himself clean.

”Wow, Eds.” Richie whistled, pointed to Eddie’s nose with his pinky finger. “So what’s his name?”

Embarrassed, Eddie ripped the cone out of Richie’s hands.

“Fuck you!”

Richie produced napkins from his back pocket, and handed them to Eddie - who snatched them quickly.

“Now? Here?”

“Beep-beep, Richie!”

Eddie turned away from Richie, face hot.

He was mad.

Maybe a little embarrassed.

Mostly mad.

“Alright, alright. Relax, Eddie.” Richie chuckled with amusement.

\--

“First, we’ll start off with ice cream, and a walk through the park.”

Eddie felt a strange dislike swirl up in his stomach at the idea of Angela doing this with Richie.

“Great. Who doesn’t like ice cream?” Eddie said flatly.

“Exactly!” Arms extended in a grandiose gesture, Richie either didn’t notice or just chose not to acknowledge Eddie’s unenthusiastic tone.

Ice cream wasn’t a big deal. The Losers went out for ice cream a lot.

It wasn’t special.

Unless it meant something more to Richie?

Often it had been only Richie and Eddie sharing ice cream.

“Plus it’ll be an easy way to kill a little time, and make sure she’ll be up for the rest of the day planned,” Richie held his hand to his chin as he mulled it over.

Would going out for ice cream mean something more than just ice cream?

“It’s not too intimate?”

“Ice cream?” Richie scoffed.

“And the talking? Maybe?”

Was Richie… Was the ice cream a sign?

“Do you think so?”

Richie didn’t appear to think so.

So, Eddie just shook his head.

Why would getting ice cream be special? If it were, then that would have meant he and Richie were - no. Eddie pushed the thought from his mind.

“Then after that, we’d do something fun. What do you think of roller skating? That could be a fun date idea?”

\--

August 1991

“It’s amazing she even let you ride a bike.”

“Richie.”

Eddie looked up at Richie, eyes silently pleading for him to go no further.

“I know, I know. I’m not making fun of you. I know it’s your mom.” Richie spoke gingerly. “You got this.”

Richie extended a hand to Eddie who simply looked down at his skates.

Earlier Richie had learned that Eddie didn’t know how to roller skate; unlike the others Losers who shrugged it off, Richie seemed to feel that it was up to him to solve this “problem.”

It wasn’t just that Eddie didn’t know how to - it was that Eddie had never been allowed to.

With that fact came shame - there were too many injuries that could have happened which meant Mrs. Kaspbrak made her stance known. Eddie was not to take part in such a dangerous sport, because he was too fragile.

Before Eddie had realized what was happening, he was dragged to the local skating rink, and thrown into a pair of smelly used skates.

Richie was determined to teach him.

No amount of Eddie’s concerning comments about his mom would change Richie’s mind.

“Come on, already!”

Gently, but all too quickly for Eddie’s preference, Richie took hold of Eddie’s arm, and pulled him up.

Eddie wobbled around on his feet, and leaned into Richie’s chest for balance.

“Richie, I don’t think I can do this. It's a concussion waiting to happen.”

Hand placed on the small of Eddie’s back, Richie just smiled. It was the kind of smile that said nothing in the world could go wrong right now.

Eddie had only ever seen Richie give that smile a few times before. And only to Eddie.

It felt safe.

“Eddie, I got you.”

And Eddie believed him.

Richie stood firm, despite the small momentum that pushed him backward. He seemed to have the confidence to stand and trust his feet - something Eddie wasn’t sure he would be able to manage.

Eddie didn’t need someone to keep him up though - balance was not the problem. Clearly Richie was uncensored with imminent injury.

Broken bones, bruises, and who knew what else were just one bad fall away.

“What if I fall?”

Richie’s hand still on Eddie’s back, he pulled Eddie closer as he shifted to keep Eddie semi-balanced on his feet.

Balanced was the wrong word. He was more in an upwards stance than anything else.

“I know you can do this. Trust me, you can do this.”

Eddie being told to trust people wasn’t new.

His mother asked him to trust her before every check-up and each hospital visit. The doctors, whose appearance only marked bad news, told Eddie he could trust them.

Richie felt different.

Eddie’s feet continued to roll forwards and backward as he wondered if this is what it would be like to have someone’s unwavering support.

Richie was someone he could trust.

“O-okay.”

The next hour had been filled with many close falls, lots of encouragement, and a slow progression of Eddie being able to stand on his own - without clinging to Richie, or the wall for balance.

When Eddie bent forward, arms extended, Richie was next to him saying Eddie had this, and how great he was doing.

If Eddie lost his balance Richie was there in a heartbeat to catch him and give words of encouragement.

Eddie’s mom never believed he could do something so dangerous. Yet Richie believed in him.

\--

“Then after that, we’d do something fun. What do you think of roller skating? That could be a fun date idea?”

“Yeah.” Eddie sighed, “That’s fun.”

Eddie knew his secret love for skating was because of Richie’s support. The experience of learning felt like a very dear treasure.

Clearly it was just skating for Richie.

“What if she can’t skate?”

The words slipped out.

Eddie felt his heart drop to his stomach and he frantically scanned the surroundings for an out. He wasn’t ready to hear Richie’s plans to teach her.

He didn’t want to share that with anyone.

“Oh. I guess we’d do something else then.” Richie shrugged it off.

Eddie paused, not expecting the answer.

“You’re not going to teach her?”

A few steps ahead before the realization Eddie had stopped walking, Richie finally turned around and put his hands on his head.

“Uh, no?”

“Why not?”

Part of Eddie wanted to hear that it was because skating was their special thing.

But the other part of him wasn’t going to hold his breath.

“I don’t know. Maybe she isn’t any good at that stuff? Maybe she doesn’t like it? I haven’t even asked her yet.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

Richie dropped his arms, looking serious.

Why did it matter to Eddie?

“No reason. Just wondering I guess.”

Richie accepted the answer and proceeded on with his plans.

“Then maybe we’d go to Ryan’s Deli.”

“The place with the pickles?”

“Yeah!” Richie laughed. “We used to go all the time. Remember?”

\--

June 1990

The smell of freshly pickled cucumbers filled the air at Ryan’s Deli. Each table sat with a bowl of pickles in the center and pickles served with every sandwich.

It was the owners’ family recipe.

The Losers came regularly for the sandwiches and large servings of crispy fries.

Once or twice a month they would pile into a booth that was too small, and pull together just enough money to share sandwiches.

The just enough money part was never well received by the waitressing staff.

“Hey, guys.” Richie reached towards the bowl in the center of the table, pulling out the largest pickle.

“D-don’t say it, R-Richie,” Bill, who sat next to Eddie, warned.

Mike rolled his eyes.

Eddie coughed, drawing the attention towards him.

“ _If we were measuring dicks,_ ” Eddie quizzaciously spoke holding a pickle.

“Alright, already. Don’t mock me!” Richie pouted. “I don’t even sound like that.”

“You sound exactly like that, Richie,” added Stan without looking up from his book.

Richie scoffed, placing his hand on his chest.

“You guys show me no respect, I tell you. No respect!”

Everyone chuckled.

Richie looked across the table at Eddie, who still held the pickle in the air and locked eyes with him. Richie’s eyes moved to the pickle, which only encouraged Eddie to do the same.

Eddie looked back at Richie with a raised eyebrow, just in time to see a flustered face.

Richie cleared his throat and turned to Stan who sat beside him.

“ _I’ll take birds for 500._ ”

Richie grabbed at the edge of the book in a feeble attempt to pull it towards himself.

“Oh, cut it out.”

Stan slapped at Richie’s hands which only made him tug the book more.

As the two started bickering, Eddie just watched them.

Maybe Richie liked Stan? Stan was good looking, and funny, and Eddie couldn’t think of any reason not to like him.

Eddie crunched loudly on his pickle, earning a side-eye from Richie who quickly turned back to Stan.

Was Richie gay? Eddie watched the way he teased Stan and couldn’t help but wonder.

When the food arrived the jokes ceased as the group scarfed down.

Richie slid his plate forward to the space between him and Eddie. They always shared their fries.

Eddie smiled and took a fry.

Richie smiled weakly back at him, then turned away once more to talk to Stan.

If Richie were gay, maybe he liked Stan?

“Richie, I swear if you don’t knock it off,” Stan warned.

“He’ll ne-never learn.”

Mike placed a hand on Bill's shoulder.

“Don’t help him. If Stan kills him, then we all saw it coming.”

Everyone but Richie laughed.

“Not you too, Mike!”

Mike shrugged.

“You’re asking for it, Richie.”

\--

“Yeah!” Richie laughed. “We used to go all the time. Remember?”

Eddie remembered. He remembered sharing fries with Richie. He remembered how Bev used to get upset when Richie didn’t give her any. He remembered how Stan used to roll his eyes at them each time Richie ordered more food than he could eat.

Only Richie ever ordered more than he could finish. And he always shared it with Eddie.

“Eddie? Earth to Eddie!”

Richie reached over and knocked on Eddie’s head.

“Earth to Eddie. Come in, Eddie. Do we have contact?”

“Ow. Knock it off!”

“Well then don’t space out on me, Eds.”

Was all of that just them being best friends? Had Eddie been trying to prove something to himself that wasn’t real?

And did it matter?

“You’ll share your fries with her?”

“What? I don’t know. Maybe?” Richie looked away sheepishly.

“Hey, Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Should I..?”

“Should you what?”

Richie turned to him.

“Should I ask her out?”

No. This was not what Eddie had expected Richie to do.

“Yes. Angela is really pretty. You two would look cute together.” Eddie needed to support Richie. “Unless you don’t want to?”

Richie started walking on ahead.

“Like you said, Eds. She’s pretty.”

Eddie swore he felt his heart breaking, but he had to support Richie - the same way Richie always supported him. Even if Eddie didn’t agree.

Eddie walked quickly to catch up. Richie seemed excited - right?

This was what Eddie wanted, to see his best friend happy. It just didn’t feel the way Eddie expected it to.

When they made it to Eddie’s house they paused awkwardly, and looked everywhere else but each other’s eyes.

There was so much Eddie wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to.

Richie went in for a hug - tight but short.

When he pulled away he turned to head home.

And Eddie stood feeling like he had just lost his friend by supporting this new chapter of his life.

“We’re just friends, Eddie. You can support him with this,” he told himself.

And later that week, when Richie delivered the news that Angela had said yes, Eddie knew to support Richie was all he could really do.


	4. Chapter 4

When Richie asked Angela out, she said yes. 

Part of Eddie wished Angela would have said no, but seeing Richie hurt wasn’t a sight he would have wanted either.

While Eddie disliked this turn of events, he couldn’t pinpoint the reason why. 

Maybe it had something to do with how Richie wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with the Losers, having a girlfriend to be with instead. Maybe Eddie was just mad about how Richie never even liked Angela or mentioned her ever - at least how he never told Eddie he liked her. 

Angela had really said yes.

It wasn’t until after their first date Richie started having lunch with her and her friends - at a table on the other side of the cafeteria. Which left the Losers short one at lunch.

Left Eddie very much alone.

Or mostly alone. Bill and Stan were still present, but they didn’t appear bothered about Richie’s absence and sudden decision to stop sitting with them at lunch. 

Bill seemed excited for Richie - he saw no issues with Angela. 

Stan hadn’t cared either way, but had asked Eddie if he was okay two separate times. 

Eyes narrowed, Eddie glared in the direction of a flirtatious Angela - who happened to be touching Richie’s shoulder for the third time at _today’s_ lunch.

From afar, Richie looked up, and locked eyes with Eddie; he unapologetically smiled. 

_He’s too happy with her. What’s so great about her anyway?_

Eddie could only read the look on Richie’s face to mean _the jerk_ had no idea abandoning Eddie and the Losers alone at lunch wasn’t a cool move.

Stan, after having noticed their interaction, asked for the third time, “are you okay, Eddie?”

With a smile so small that Eddie wasn’t sure Richie could have seen it from that distance, Eddie turned away. 

“Yeah,” Eddie tried to sound neutral, unbothered, and every other state of being that showed he couldn’t care less about Angela, “Just thinking about my next class.”

Stan’s eyebrow raised, head tilted forward. 

“Your next class,” he echoed? Although Stan’s eyes shifted towards Richie.

“W-what about it? Do you have a t-test?”

“Uh, yes.”

Stan and Bill shared a glance.

“Do you want us to help you study for it?”

“No, no, no. That’s okay.”

“Okay. G-good luck, Eddie.”

Eddie gave a weak smile, and nodded.

Despite the clear disbelief on their faces, Stan and Bill said nothing more to Eddie - and instead opted to redirect the conversation away from him.

Eddie was thankful.

“Th-that reminds me,” Bill faced Stanl. “You ready for the r-review in Mr. Kerry’s class?”

“Of course. Are you?”

“Absolutely n-not.” Bill laughed, 

“I heard he’s showing everyone fun math tricks after the review.”

“M-math tricks?”

“Like how to memorize phone numbers.” Stan smiled.

Bill rolled his eyes.

“I d-don’t understand that man’s love of math. It doesn’t f-feel normal.”

Out of the corner of Eddie’s eye, he looked over towards Richie - laughing and having a good time. 

Richie looked like he was telling jokes to Angela, and her friends - probably bad jokes that would have made the Losers roll their eyes, and tell him to shut up. 

“W-what are we d-doing in gym today?”

“Laps again.”

“Let me guess. R-Richie skipped?”

_Look at him telling jokes. What a jerk._

Lips puckered, Eddie’s glance shuffled between his hands, and Richie.

“Every time.”

“It’s a wonder he’s even p-passing.”

“Yeah. Oh, and there’s a movie in history today.”

“Yes!” Bill threw his hands up in thankful bliss. 

_Look at Angela laughing as if Richie is so funny - even though his jokes are lame. He’s not even that funny._

Eddie clenched his fists.

“Eddie?” Bill questioned.

After a beat, Stan motioned to Bill for his attention, and shook his head as if to say ‘don’t worry about him,’ and they carried on.

“Maybe we should make plans for another movie night?” Stan questioned while he eyed Eddie.

Bill’s eyebrow raised, but he didn’t object to the idea.

Richie had a big smile on his face while Angela, and her friends laughed. 

“Yeah. My p-parents are gonna be out of t-town again this weekend.”

_He probably loves having people think he’s so funny._

“Again?” Stan’s head tilted back in surprise. 

“They’re getting everything r-ready for the move.”

Angela reached over, and touched Richie’s shoulder for the _fourth_ time. Eddie’s eye twitched. 

“We should all be there. Even if we have to force Mike, and Richie to show up.”

Bill laughed as he nodded.

“M-M-Mike is p-pretty b-busy lately.”

“Yeah, but if you ask him, I’m sure he’ll come,” Stan smirked. 

_I laugh at his jokes too. And I probably get more of them than Angela ever could._

Bill cleared his throat.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Eddie’s fist met the table, earning a small jump from both Bill and Stan.

“I’m heading to my next class early. For the group project.”

“I th-thought it was a test?” Bill questioned.

Stan covered his face with his hand.

“Oh. It is!” Eddie’s face warmed. “It’s a group test?” 

Bill nodded slowly, and turned back to Stan as Eddie left.

Eddie could hear the two talk as he walked away. 

“Th-that was weird, r-right?”

“You’re just as bad,” Stan said dryly.

“What’s th-that suppose to mean?”

Was Eddie that obvious that something was bothering him?

Eddie had gone from seeing Richie every day to only seeing him in passing at school. The absence forced Eddie to confront his feelings - Richie wasn’t just a friend. He was his best friend. The type of friend that was more than a friend.

Best, very _best_ friends. Right?

The first real conversation they had since Richie started dating Angela came nearly three weeks later.

“Ow.”

Eddie felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. He spun around and saw Richie standing there, hand extended.

“You ass! Did you just flick my head?”

Richie smiled.

The moment left Eddie annoyed and brought only one question to Eddie’s mind. 

_Why am I friends with this asshole?_

“Wanna go out with me?”

“WHAT?” Eddie shouted in disbelief, caught completely off guard. 

_Richie IS gay?_

_Wait. Does Richie like me?_

“Angela has a friend, Monica, and well,” Richie rubbed the back of his neck. “What do you say to a double-date?”

Eddie quickly realized the misunderstanding - that Richie wasn’t into him - it was just another joke said to confuse Eddie.

But it still hurt - and Eddie wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Oh.”

Eddie blushed and looked away. 

Richie’s joke wasn’t funny. Eddie had thought for a moment that maybe. 

“Oh? Do you not want to?” Richie’s glassy eyes shined behind his glasses. He looked wounded.

_Why does he always joke like that with me? Inconsiderate jerk._

Emotions high, Eddie gave pause long enough to realize something.

The thought of going out with Richie wasn’t terrible.

“Monica?”

The thought of going out _with_ Richie was actually inviting.

“Yeah, she’s Angela’s friend.” With a nod head tilt which signaled for them to keep walking Richie continued his explanation. “Angela wants to hang out with her more, and Monica wants to date, so I thought maybe you’d be up for it.”

The only issue was Richie had not asked Eddie out. He had asked Eddie out with Monica - for Monica. 

_Why help Monica? This better not be a move to make Angela like him more._

Would Richie have invited any of the others along - or was Eddie different?

There was a very real possibility that Richie simply saw this as an opportunity to hook Eddie up. Or maybe _it was_ to hook Monica up and score points with Angela.

Eddie didn’t like Angela. 

“So you volunteered me to go on a date without asking me first?”

Richie smiled playfully.

“Well, I’m asking you now.”

“No. I think it sounds like you’re telling me about the plans you made without my consent.”

Richie reached out to touch Eddie’s arm, before pulling away.

“Are you mad?”

“No,” Eddie sighed, “I’ll go.”

Arms flew around Eddie in what was one of the tightest hugs Eddie had ever had - and he didn’t even mind it. 

Richie smelled faintly of cigarettes; his skin warm to the touch. Richie had grown taller than Eddie over the years - the height difference allowed Eddie to take note of the prickly, patchy facial hair Richie always delayed in shaving. 

Hair Richie swore made him more adult, but Eddie thought it just made him look unclean.

Eddie couldn’t help but notice how Richie inhaled deeply - taking in all of Eddie, maybe just as much as Eddie was of Richie.

“Thank you, Eds!”

The moment only made Eddie want to close his eyes and melt into Richie’s arms. 

Over the years they’d been friends there had been countless embraces - but Eddie swore they hadn’t felt like this one.

When Richie pulled away to keep walking, he felt disappointed for how brief the moment had been. 

That moment Eddie had realized something both horrible and wonderful at the same time - and wasn’t sure how long it had rung true.

\--

October 1989

“Richie? What are you doing here?”

Eddie stepped off the last step of the ladder and onto the ground of the hidden clubhouse. 

When Eddie decided to venture to the clubhouse, he had done so expecting to find it empty and quiet. Richie’s appearance, although welcomed, was very unexpected for a Thursday evening. 

“Oh, I ran away.”

Richie spoke casually, not looking up from his comic. He laid on the hammock, sharp edges of his lanky body bent in a fetal attempt at comfort.

“What do you mean you ran away?” Eddie all but yelled at him.

“I was thinking of joining the circus or something. Wouldn’t it be neat to travel? You can join me if you like.”

Eddie covered his face with his hand before he strutted forward with his arm extended.

“Richie, you can’t just run away. Why would you run away?”

“I could be a lion tamer and you could be the bearded woman.”

“I’m not a girl.”

“You just have to grow a beard first.”

“Richie!”

A frustrated grunt from Eddie was met with an eye roll and a knowing smile. 

Richie sighed dramatically before he rolled off the hammock and proceeded to dig around in his backpack.

Eddie waited patiently for his answer - although he wondered if this was just an elaborate set up for a joke.

“Here,” Richie stood holding a paper out for Eddie to take.

It was a history test with a combination of fill in the blank and multiple-choice questions.

“You’re running away because you had to take a test?”

Richie looked at his feet.

“The grade, Eddie.”

At the top of the page was a circled ‘C 79’ written in red.

“Okay. You got a C. What’s wrong with it?”

“It was an open-notes test.”

“Geez, Richie. Did you not take notes?”

Richie’s shoulders met his ears.

“Hey, Richie. I’m sorry. What happened?”

The taller boy walked back to the hammock and sat.

“I don’t know. I just couldn’t focus on it. And when I looked around the class, no one else was having that problem. So then that made it worse.”

Eddie felt ill-prepared for the conversation. He knew Richie was smart but wasn’t sure what he could say to help. Instead, he approached the hammock and sat next to Richie. 

The hammock shifted under the weight, forcing the two boys together. 

Under the dim lighting, Eddie noticed the red growing on Richie’s cheeks - a sign which Eddie took to mean he was embarrassed about his struggles in school.

“Hey, Richie?”

Eddie reached over and grabbed Richie’s arm in a supportive gesture. In response, Richie turned away - Eddie felt the goosebumps under his hand as Richie’s hair stood.

“Yeah?”

“You’re really smart. It’s just one test. It doesn’t have to define you.”

Richie didn’t budge, didn’t respond, and didn’t turn back to face Eddie.

Eddie sighed.

After a beat more, the silence had become overbearing - Eddie stretched his arms around Richie, hugging him from behind.

Richie’s arms reached up to grab Eddie’s. 

The two sat in the embrace without words - in comfortable silence. 

“Eddie?”

Richie squeezed Eddie’s arm a little tighter. 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Eddie squeezed Richie back tighter and softly spoke, “anytime.”

And he meant it. Richie was his best friend, he loved him - of course, he’d always be there for Richie.

\--

That moment Eddie had realized something both horrible and wonderful at the same time - and wasn’t sure how long it had rung true.

He, Eddie Kaspbrak, had a crush on Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier. 

“Fuck me.”

Richie turned back around.

_How long have I?_

“Did you say something?”

Eddie met Richie’s eyes through coke bottle lenses, and his heart fluttered. Part of Eddie wondered how long he had really felt the way towards Richie. The other part of Eddie wished he had never suggested Richie ask Angela out.

Everything in him screamed that this wasn’t the time or place to address the thought.

“No. It’s nothing.” Eddie spoke, mouth full of cotton. 

  
  
  



End file.
